Best Marriage Advice from Seniors: 5 Lessons Learned Over a Lifetime

For the most practical marriage advice, ask senior couples who have kept a relationship strong over decades. They consistently point to five lessons: handle conflict well, show appreciation, stay realistic about retirement, talk about finances early, and support each other's health.

If you want the best marriage advice, you should ask senior couples. According to Paul R. Amato and Alysse ElHage, senior couples are often more satisfied with their marriage. Aging together and facing life's challenges together tends to create a strong bond.

Couples here in Pineville, NC, who've been married for years tend to have lasting relationships because they know how to respectfully deal with conflict and stress. Let's look at some relationship tips for seniors.

1. The Best Marriage Advice: Know How to Handle Conflict

The key to enjoying love in later years is knowing how to handle conflict. Most senior couples realize that conflict is an inevitable part of life, even in a loving relationship.

It's how couples handle disagreement and differences that define the marriage. It's best to treat conflict as a team sport rather than a zero-sum battle against each other. Instead of treating an argument like a verbal boxing match, try thinking of you and your spouse united against the problem.

If things start getting heated, don't let the situation escalate. Instead, call a time-out and come back to the topic later.

2. Avoid the #1 Thing That Destroys Marriages: Lack of Appreciation

According to research from the University of Illinois, feeling appreciated is linked to higher relationship satisfaction. Sure, being reluctant to say "thank you" won't blow up your marriage in an instant like cheating or raiding the savings account, but it can be just as toxic in the long term.

When your partner feels unappreciated for their efforts, stress and annoyance are harder to tolerate, particularly when the source of irritation is the unappreciative spouse. If you avoid saying thank you, resentment will quietly build up until one day, it blows up in your face.

3. Don't Romanticize Retirement Too Much

When you're younger, it's easy to romanticize the retirement lifestyle. You might resent your office job for stealing away valuable time you could've spent with your spouse.

While your golden years are certainly the time for bonding with your loved ones, older couples are often taken by surprise by the reality of spending all day in the same room together.

According to Psychology Today, most people need alone time to rest and recharge. Spending every waking moment together is likely to cause irritation and arguments. Successful couples realize that taking time apart can bring them closer together.

4. Don't Put Off Talking About Finances

Retirement represents a significant lifestyle change. Most couples entering retirement do so at the end of a long career. At work, one or both spouses have likely settled into a senior role, and you've likely grown accustomed to having a stable income.

After years of finances being fairly static, it's easy to neglect discussing how retirement will affect your finances. Unlike in working life, where a spouse can work overtime to pay for unexpected home repair bills, retirement means living on a fixed income.

Don't let disagreements about money destroy a decades-long marriage; always discuss these issues early.

5. Support Each Other's Health

In adult life, people often handle things like doctor's appointments on their own, especially when the health issues aren't too serious. But, in old age, health problems start to define your lifestyle.

Most seniors have to deal with things like:

• Sleep changes
• Mobility problems
• Managing various medications
• Frequent doctor visits

As these challenges build up, seniors can feel hopeless, particularly if they feel they're facing them alone. The most successful couples deal with health problems as a team.

Frequently Asked Questions

How Should You Show Appreciation in Marriage?

So you've read this list of the best marriage advice, and you want to start being more appreciative, but how? Here's how to show you appreciate your spouse's efforts:

• Be specific: Name the specific thing your spouse did for you rather than giving generic praise.
• Stay consistent: Appreciation works best when you're consistently appreciative; you don't need to make grand gestures.
• Notice the small things: People feel unappreciated when they feel things like errands and planning aren't recognized.

When you're specific about what you noticed, it's clear you're actually showing appreciation rather than using it as a manipulation tactic. If you just say something like "you're the best," it might come off as insincere.

Is There Such a Thing as Too Much Support?

While you should tackle the difficulties of retirement as a team, that doesn't mean you should burn yourselves out supporting each other. Some challenges are simply too much to handle without external support.

For example, if your spouse starts showing signs of cognitive decline, it could indicate dementia or Alzheimer's. While spouses might be able to handle these conditions in the early stages, eventually they'll face:

• Increased confusion: They may get confused about where they are and struggle to follow a normal routine.
• Aggression: Fear and frustration can manifest as anger and aggression that feels scary and out of character.
• Forgetfulness: They might repeat themselves, constantly lose important things, and forget to take medications.

It's impossible to deal with these things alongside your own problems without getting burned out. The solution is specialized caregivers, and to consider a move into a senior community where appropriate support is always available.

Discover a Supportive Community

As you can see, the best marriage advice doesn't mean making grand gestures or expensive gifts. It's all about treating each other with respect and working as a team.

But being a team doesn't mean you have to do it all yourselves. Retirement should be about enjoying your time together, not feeling burned out and irritable. Here at The Haven & The Laurels In The Village At Carolina Place, we help senior couples enjoy love in later years by taking care of things like chores and maintenance.

Our Impressions Housekeeping service runs like clockwork, so instead of worrying about the logistics of running a household, you'll be pondering how to spend all your newfound leisure time together. If you're ready to see what The Haven & The Laurels In The Village At Carolina Place lifestyle is all about, contact us to set up a tour.